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Jan Esmann, born on January 18, 1960 in Copenhagen at 20:35, is a unique individual with a special spiritual calling. He identifies as an Avadhoot, which means he was born already liberated and does not conform to any particular spiritual tradition or societal norms. Avadhoots like Jan are often hard to find as they tend to lead a reclusive lifestyle, hiding away in caves or huts, or even living as regular people but dedicating their time to spiritual practices.
Jan is a humble person and prefers not to talk about himself too much, as he believes that his identity is merely a temporary concept, just like his physical body. He emphasizes that this is true for everyone, and that we are not defined by what we think we are.
Despite his preference for privacy, Jan has agreed to share some details about his early years, up until around the year 2000. It is clear that Jan’s unique spiritual journey has led him to live life in a way that is different from the norm, but it is also clear that he approaches this with humility and compassion for all beings.
Jan in Shambala, Sweden 2021
When I was a baby, I used to enter a state where I felt filled with love-bliss and my body became immobile. I called it “the log” as I couldn’t move, and it happened spontaneously while I was relaxing in my crib or bed. This continued until my early teens, but less frequently. I had a deep longing for God, which would make me cry spontaneously in a church, and I felt a rush of energy in my body. My parents didn’t understand or support me because they were hard-core materialists. As a young teenager, I began listening to classical music, and during those sessions, I would feel like I was floating out of my body, but I was just extremely relaxed and filled with joy. Later, when I started meditating regularly, the bliss would manifest again.
I had my first proper meditation experience when I was 15, which was a truly remarkable experience. I sat in the lotus posture without knowing much about meditation, and after a few minutes, my kundalini awakened with such force that it threw me out of my body. I felt extreme ecstasy and swung violently from side to side while hanging in space above my body. Although my heart was beating like mad and I was sweating profusely, I felt that nothing bad was happening. However, when I shared my experience with my family, they thought I had lost it, and I decided to keep my spiritual life secret from then on.
Inspired by my experience, I decided to learn proper meditation and got initiated to TM, which gave me many blissful experiences. Although I experienced extreme ecstasy frequently, I didn’t leave my body as violently as the first time, which allowed me to integrate the bliss with my physical being and merge into calm bliss. I often went into non-consciousness and awakened after 30 minutes, thinking I had just closed my eyes, but I was filled with bliss. However, I decided to keep these experiences to myself, as my teacher couldn’t understand them. A few years went by like this, until…
At the age of 19, I experienced a remarkable breakthrough that filled me with an intense longing for God. I saw an eye and it pulled me into it’s pupil, which was a Blue Pearl and found myself in an infinite cyan space of Pure Consciousness and Supreme Bliss. Suddenly, a Blue Being emerged and Jan merged with the Supreme Being (in the form of Krishna) and lost consciousness. When Jan awoke, he saw God in everything and experienced God-Consciousness. Despite the lack of guidance from spiritual guides, Jan embraced this divine experience and his life has been forever changed. Jan is now in love with God in everything and has a profound connection to the Divine that he will carry with him for the rest of his life.
In 1983, Jan was in a state of depression from having lost the connection to God he had experienced two years prior. Knowing he needed a guru, he left the TM movement and became a disciple of Gururaj Ananda Yogi. During the first workshop he attended with him, he sensed my distress and provided me with a clear message: ‘You won’t get rid of the ego by killing yourself’. Six months later, he experienced a profound spiritual awakening as he was sitting the table for Gururaj’s supper. In this moment, Jan’s small self vanished and he was filled with extreme Bliss and Love for his guru. Jan went to Gururaj and when Gururaj asked Jan what his name was he could not answer as he was completely nothing. Gururaj then touched Jan’s forehead and asked Jan to look into his palm. Jan remembered a past life as a pupil of a great master and Gururaj began telling the story to a meditation teacher. Gururaj then asked Jan if he remembered and Jan replied affirmatively. Gururaj then instructed Jan to go to bed, leaving him in awe. Through the grace of Gururaj, Jan was able to experience a profound spiritual awakening and the connection to his true Self.
After Jan’s identification mechanism broke down and he experienced Self-realization, Jan realized that there was still a subtle principle that needed to go away. Without help from Gururaj, Jan began meditating in his own way and discovered the contagious nature of the state he was in during meditation. This led him to teach others how to enter Samadhi and experience the Bliss of the Self. Despite trying to live a normal life and pursuing a university degree and career, Jan struggled with depression and found traditional therapy to be a waste of time as he was no longer the person undergoing therapy. Through his journey, Jan found that true Self-discovery and Enlightenment comes from within and can be achieved through personalized meditation practices.
Remember, Jan had lived in Divine Consciousness, so to him the state he had achieved was nothing and Jan did not value it as something special. He intensely longed for Full Enlightenment, the state of Love-Bliss. At this time Jan became a devotee of Mata Amritanandamayi. He immediately asked Her if She would take him to Full Enlightenment and She promised to do that. Jan kept working ardently on getting his Kundalini out of the root chakra and into the spine in its entirety, and also on getting it into his brain, but did not have much luck for many years.
Jan had experienced a lot of success with initiating others with his Shakti and experiencing tremendous Bliss, but his personal sadhana was going nowhere. He had a strong desire to have Kundalini out of hiding, into his brain, in order to merge Shakti, Shiva and Jan into Oneness. So he set a rigorous program for himself and meditated on Kundalini for six hours in a single sitting every day for five months. Eventually, the entire Kundalini crept out of the root chakra and entered the spine, leading to a connection being established between Kundalini and the brain. The experience was indescribable, with extreme Love-Bliss being felt. This was one of the greatest blessings Jan has ever received as a spiritual aspirant next to meeting the Blue Being.
After practicing meditation for some time, Jan started experiencing Kriyas, which are involuntary movements caused by the awakening of the Kundalini energy. The Kriyas were so strong that Jan could no longer meditate for more than a few minutes. He then received Shaktipat initiation from Shri Anandi Ma, which established a strong connection between Jan placed a rosebud, received from Shri Anandi Ma onto his head during a specific meditation, and felt a strong energy drill into the brain and down the spine. After that, Jan was able to get Kundalini into the brain when meditating. The Love-Bliss Jan felt during meditation began to fill him more frequently outside of meditation, but he still felt a sense of separation.
What happens beyond this period cannot be put in words.
But any Avadhoot will understand. Jan will share it with you non-verbally when you work and meditate together. It is the secret of the Siddhas.
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